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“Wanna put me in a box of glitter, and I'm just trying to get right out
And now you're feeling so, so bitter, because I've let you down” I continued singing.
I've always felt alone, empty, and numb. Why? Because they are my parents, they're always beside us, but I can't feel they're love. Yeah they're with me but their love is too high for me to reach, just like the sky. I can't reach their love, no, I actually can but that love was overpowered by the hate and shame that they felt on me. Shame because of what I've done. But they didn't know...that I've done all of that, just for her. For their loving daughter. Because I think maybe if I protect her, they'll be glad on me. That they will finally accept me, and give me love. But no! Instead, t-they...
“And this storm is rising inside of me
Don't you feel that our world's collide
It's getting harder to breath, it hurts deep inside”
They suffocates me. I can hardly breathe because of what they're doing to me. I'm overwhelmed. I want to demand, but...what does a child like me can do before? I can't fight them, because I can't. I'm weak. I am not strong. I am not a bulletproof, one shoot and I fell down.
“Just let me be who I am
It's what you really need to understand
And I hope so hard for the pain to go away
And it's torturing me, but I can't break free
So I cried and cried but just won't get it out
The silent scream”
Before, I had no right to complain. Because they always slap me with my flaws, my mistakes that I just did for her. On the two of us, I was the one who sacrifice a lots. But I...was the one, who was hated. I was the one who felt the pain and sadness, that in the first place I know that I don't deserve. I was the who didn't get any love despite of that. I was the one who always felt alone...empty. I was the one they always despise.
“Can't you see how I cried for help
Cause you should love me just for being myself
I'll drown in an ocean, of pain and emotion
If you don't save me right away”
Maybe, even though I'll cry blood in front of them, they won't give a damn. Like they said, why would they care about a stupid, dumb, and a useless person like me? They can't accept me for who I am, what I want and what I can do. Then, I gave up. I gave up being a good child, I gave up chasing their love, I gave up everything. I just gave up. I just can no longer can. I'm tired.
“Just let me be who I am
It's what you really need to understand
And I hope so hard for the pain to go away
And it's torturing me, but I can't break free
So, I cried and cried but just won't get it out
The silent scream”
They're unfair. They act like they don't have another daughter that seeks for their love and time for a long time. I was like that before. But now...
“My silent scream” ....I don't gave a even a single fuck 'bout them. I just realize how reaching for their love has no point. I just realize that they're one of those motherfuckers out there. They're useless. Not worth wasting my time.
The crowds applauded.
I rolled my eyes and noticed that they grow in numbers. Maybe those who just passed by earlier, also watched.
They also left when I looked at them sharply.
“Challenge completed. Now, my reward” I simpered and pointed my index finger to the HPBC and the necklace.
But I was surprised when he just looked at me seriously. Looking at me directly in the eye like he was trying to see my soul. As if he can! No one can read me, no one will ever know what I felt. No one will ever know authentic self, no one will ever find out my past. On how dumb and stupid I was to chase the love of my narcissistic parents.
“The heck is your problem?” I said while arching my brows again.
He shook his head and suddenly smiled.
Is this guy bipolar too, or is he just going crazy again?
“Oh, here it is! Let me put this necklace to your neck.”
He handed me the HPBC and went behind me then put the necklace on me. He looked at me.
“It doesn't fit you” he said mockingly.
I hissed. “Damn you, jerk! Just shut your fucking mouth up! Or you'll go home with a black eye today”
“Chill! It's just a joke. You really are a sadist! By the way, it suits you” I just rolled my eyes.
“Leg'go. I remember I have to buy something.”
***