Chapter 125: I’m By Myself
Cathryn felt her heart melt listening to the baby's call. She bowed her head and attentively played with the baby, and the haze in her heart temporarily retreated.
"How old is yours?" When the baby was holding her milk bottle, the mother took the time to chat.
"Twenty...twenty-nine weeks." Giving this answer again, Cathryn missed a breath. As if someone had grabbed her neck, her heart slowed.
"Ah, twenty-nine weeks, you are about to be free. But, of course, the last two months are the toughest, you know. And it's summer now, you'll have to hold your belly to sleep, and you can never find yourself comfortable with this little one inside! It's just hard to be a mother."
The lady smiled and said it peacefully as she looked at her 1-year-old. She had already been through all that she said. Her voice was calm and light, but she could remember all the pain like yesterday.
Despite a hard time, though, the young mother's face was filled with happiness when she watched what she had achieved in her arms. Ladies, Cathryn realized, who became mothers would automatically have an aura, giving them a tough and sacred shade.
"You are by yourself? Where's your husband?" She noticed Cathryn was sitting alone and wanted to ask if she needed a close seat for her company.
"I'm by myself," Cathryn answered with a joyous tone, but her eyes went down.
The kind lady realized she was asking the wrong question and thought to herself that Cathryn's mood was low because of her being a single mother. The topic was switched, and the experience of milk powder and diaper brands was enthusiastically communicated.
They also got off the train at Douglas. They added each other on Facebook while waiting for a taxi. Cathryn learned that her name was Xenia and her page was full of photos of the chubby doll.
"Ask me anything about babies at any time. Beatrice is the only child we plan to have so far. Yours can have all her baby products if you want."
The kindness from this now-friend Xenia gave Cathryn a great warmth in addition to the hot summer days.
Xenia and her husband even gave their taxi to her. Before she could refuse, Xenia had already opened the door and let her in.
When the door was closed, Xenia held Beatrice's two little fists and yelled in a cheerleading tone.
"Come on, Mommy-to-be, come on!"
The car drove away, and Cathryn leaned her head against the front cushion and was red-eyed.
Perhaps she had assumed too much of herself.
She really didn't want to be a single mother anymore. But she didn't ever want to see Jordan again, she just wanted Keith. So what if the child was really not his?
The saddest part was not that the baby could be Jordan's, but that she only realized now it might not belong to Keith. He had been helping her so much for so long, and he was so devoted to taking care of her and the baby. If this turned out to be the worst case, she would feel great guilt and shame for taking such advantage of him.
How could she tell Keith, who was already more than ready to become a father, that the child may not be his?
****
[Home surprise]
After the summer solstice, school was reaching the end of the year, and the summer vacation was around the corner. The thesis and exams had stressed the teachers like clockwork.
After lunch, Victoria quickly went for her short nap when the door was suddenly knocked on. The professor frowned and got up, disgruntled at the door.
Outside her door, Cathryn was standing there, pale and aimlessly stood. She dreaded her heart.
However, her mouth started. "What happened? How come you are back? It's so busy these days, I don't have time to take care of you!"
"I have a schoolmate getting married again. I can take care of myself. Don't worry, I'll stay a few days until the wedding." Cathryn pulled her face and smiled at her surprised parents.
Her father came out too, staring at Cathryn and then his wife, looking suspicious.
"And where's Keith?"
After the question, he remembered what his wife told him about the relationship between his daughter and her attentive male friend and changed the subject: "Have you eaten?"
"I did. Come on!"
Cathryn was pushing forward to let her parents back into the bedroom. She held the doorknob and comforted them before closing the bedroom door, "Please go back to your sleep, I'm tired, don't worry about me. I know you know where you keep food, Dad. I won't be hungry."
Clement smiled and called her a little rascal.
Closing the door, Cathryn went to her bedroom and lay on the bed, turning the fan and letting her tears flow silently.
She was so eager for some comfort from her parents, but she couldn't cry in front of them. If they had known earlier this day, her mother would definitely have had a heartbreak.
Growing up, she learned that all the struggles had to be carried by herself. The parents were no longer a free harbor for her to rest her emotions.
Cathryn behaved normally all day, so much that it felt somehow suspicious.
After dinner, the teacher couple went back to school to facilitate some study, and Cathryn was alone again at home.
Before she left, she had asked Grace not to tell Keith where she was going. She couldn't face Keith at this moment, and it was even disturbing to think of it.
Lying in bed, in order to calm down, she pulled out a book to read.
Before long, her phone suddenly rang. She hurried to look and found Keith's name on top. Throwing away the book, Cathryn pressed the red button with trembling fingers and threw the phone aside.
He didn't continue to call, but in a short while, sending a text message.
Cathryn quivered, her breaths went heavy, and she finally reached her foot to clip the phone close. She resisted and wanted it eagerly at the same time. After a long pause, she turned it on.