“Fucking run!” Bandit shouted, racing down the path as a low rumble followed him. The others just stared at him as he darted past and leaped over the small ledge leading down to the platform below where they’d been standing. Firestorm scratched his head and glanced over at Bluestar who gave him a frustrated look, Lifesaver was already silently hopping over the side behind Bandit, not bothering to wait for them.
“You just had to say it,” Bluestar said, “You knew he was going to do it if you said something like that.”
He flushed as the rumbling grew louder, “Now, In my defense it is a good movie.”
She threw her head back and groaned, “You know that’s not the point!” She sighed and stalked towards the edge next to him, the noise now nearly deafening. She casually threw a hand back and muttered something, a blue flash of light erupting behind them followed by the sound of numerous fleshy objects striking something very hard, very fast. Firestorm decided not to glance back at the hideous mess created by the raging horde of high speed monsters that had been turned into windshield splatters. She gestured at the ledge and a blue glowing staircase took shape, “We had no idea what that lever did.”
“And now we do, so when the next team comes in to clear out the monsters, they won’t make the same mistake!” Firestorm said with a grin.
She rolled her eyes, “You’re impossible.”
“And you’re grumpy today,” Firestorm shot back, “Come on, we’re in a magic extradimensional dungeon surrounded by monsters and hidden passages and treasure sometimes. Doesn’t that inspire childlike glee in you?”
She kept walking down the steps next to him, her arms crossed, but a small smile played on her lips. She sighed and shook her head before grinning at him, “Neither of you said ‘wrong lever’.” She pointed out.
He slapped himself, “Oh shit! You’re right!” He leaned forward a bit as they approached Bandit and Lifesaver. “Bandit! We didn’t say ‘wrong lever’!”
Bandit poked his head out from behind a large fallen piece of stone wall or debris and stared at him, “Are you kidding me? We ruined the joke!” He groaned and hopped up, putting his hands on his hips and shaking his head. “We can’t do it again in this dungeon, it’ll seem forced.”
Firestorm alighted on the platform and put a hand on his friends shoulder, “Next time, buddy.”
“You two are not throwing another untested lever, without warning, just to make sure you get a joke right,” Bluestar protested, unable to hide the amusement from her face at this point. “You are ridiculous!”
“I thought it was funny,” Lifesaver finally spoke up, his voice utterly deadpan. They all looked at him, blank faced as the healer hero just returned their gazes, “What?”
Bandit shrugged and sat down on the debris he and Lifesaver had been hiding behind, crossing his arms and stretching his legs out, “Look, this whole dungeon is some M C Escher bullshit, none of the stairs make sense, there are passages that go nowhere, and I swear we were walking upside down at one point. It doesn’t help that the monsters are basically cartoon characters. You guys heard that splat up there like I did. A little humor helps smooth over the existential dread.”
Bluestar glanced back up at the otherwise inaccessible ledge as the stairs she made vanished and made a face, “Okay, you’ve got a point. What the hell are those things anyway?”
“They looked like bald goats with eyes like dinner plates,” Bandit said with a shudder, “Oh and they totally had little tiny wings,” He said, gesturing to his shoulders. “Freaky.”
A low thump on the ground nearby sounded out just as he finished speaking and he let out a groan of annoyance. The others did as well as they turned towards the most annoying part of this entire god forsaken place. It was about two feet tall and looked like it had been made by someone just starting to experiment with three dimensional art on a computer. It was vaguely reminiscent of a certain cartoon mouse with its big ears and far too wide smile. Its knees bounced and bobbed as its tail whipped left and right. It held a mallet in one hand.
“Who’s up?” Bluestar asked with a sigh.
“I think you ar-” Firestorm started to say only for a blue flash of light to erupt from her fingertip and burn a hole straight through the things head. It dropped and dissolved into an inky black puddle before sliding away, making whimpering sounds. “Right,” He grunted.
The nonsensical entity had been following them since they arrived in the dungeon, attacking out of nowhere and only after very blatantly announcing itself and making a show of its presence. It was by no means strong or dangerous. The only problem was that no matter what they did to it, it wouldn’t die or at least stay dead. At one point Firestorm had tried incinerating the black ooze it turned to when it was killed but it only deformed into a crispy burger-like puck for a moment before bursting into a cloud of black smoke. It came back about an hour later.
“Do we have any jars or anything?” Lifesaver asked as they watched the black sludge disappear into a wall.
“You want to catch it?” Bandit asked with disgust.
“We can’t kill it,” Lifesaver pointed out with a shrug, “Might as well keep it contained. I’d hate to actually be in a dangerous spot and get hit with that hammer by surprise.”
“Look at those arms!” Bandit protested, “It can’t swing that thing for shit!”
Lifesaver crossed his arms and tilted his head, “Explain to me how you’re able to puncture stone with an arrow with your tiny arms?” He asked, flexing his own muscles beneath his costume.
Bandit opened his mouth to protest and quickly closed it, frowning and looking at the ground. Lifesaver chuckled and nodded towards the next passage they hadn’t gone down yet and Firestorm walked past Bandit, patting his shoulder again and joining the healer. Bandit shook his head, giving his two comanipons a rueful look from behind only to get a squeeze on the arm from Bluestar.
“I happen to like your noodle arms,” She said with a wink and kept walking.
He grinned for a moment, just a moment, before her comment sank in, “They aren’t noodles!” He shouted, chasing after her and entering the passage with the others as they laughed. Ahead of their little group they found themselves in yet another long overdesigned tunnel of irregularly placed columns and doors in places that served no purpose other than to give them a headache. To make matters worse, the entire hallway seemed to twist like a corkscrew ahead of them until it stopped at another door that was now upside down from their perspective.
“I hate this place,” Bandit said, sounding a little nauseated.
“Oh this is kinda cool,” Firestorm commented almost at the same time.
“Watch the doors, boys,” Bluestar said, nodding to the doors that were actually embedded in the walls. She pointed at one of them and fired a tiny bolt of her azure magic at it. The bolt bent slightly in the air as it passed into the tunnel and struck off-center, still hitting the door but clearly not where she’d intended to hit it. The door shuddered and opened before slamming again as a low growl of pain rumbled out from within. She frowned hard, “I knew it.”
Both Bandit and Firestorm looked back at her with a mixture of concern and disbelief.
“What? This place is weird, those doors had to be traps or monsters or something,” She protested.
They both nodded, “Right, yeah, that’s what you meant,” Firestorm said and turned back towards the hall before rubbing his hands together, “Alright I got this,” He said and the others took the cue to back off all the way to the entrance of the hallway. He reached for his belt where the treasure of their very first dungeon hung from his hip. It was an almost onyx-black double headed axe with orange red cracks running through its surface that glowed brightly. It wasn’t overly long or big, small enough to hang comfortably from his belt, but boy did it help.
He raised it over his head and his hand began to glow white hot, soon the orange cracks turned white and heat began to billow off of him as he took a step forward and swung. A cascade of fire ripped out from the weapon, washing through the hallway like a tidal wave as the creatures inside the doors screamed, roared, and burned. A moment later, the pristine passage was nothing but blackened surfaces and ash, the door at the far end left unscathed.
“Done!” Firestorm called, slinging the weapon miss Sonya had described as some kind of ‘elemental focus’ over his shoulder and grinning back at them. The others made their way forward, nodding and voicing their approval as they stepped into the twisted hall.
Somewhere behind them, a dollop of blackness appeared in the air and began to swirl, condensing into a semi-solid shape that broke into a manic grin.