Iris
IT HAD been four days—Four. Damn. Days!
It was hard to wait for the inevitable, and my hope was slowly wearing thin. Colt had not wakened up. Not even moved a finger.
Dr. Hull had hope and never gave up, and so as everyone. But what if he would never wake up? My heart and every fiber in my body ached no matter how I tried to hold onto that hope.
I suggested to donate another blood, but Dr. Hull refused since Colt’s white blood cell was decreasing, and his red blood cell didn’t drop low.
Every time I checked him, it made me guiltier because I failed him. I was a work of failure. Everyone around me was leaving me one by one, and I was scared if Colt would be the next to walk out of my life.
For God’s sake, he saved my life, and it was killing me that I couldn’t do the same. And he wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place if it was not because of me.
God! I’m such an awful person.
I couldn’t even stomach myself to join them during the meal as I was drowning with my own guilt. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. And it was even harder to breathe thinking Colt was still in his bed unconscious.
I did my best to stay away from Gael because every time I heard his voice, he reminded me of Colt, and of my failure.
I released a deep breath and leaned against the SUV. I had no clue what to do next, and I was definitely losing my mind every time I thought of him bleeding out.
There must be something I missed, something I could do if there was a slight chance of him waking up. I closed my eyes and sucked the cold air into my constricted lungs.
Everything is driving me insane.
Until now, I didn’t get the answer as to why Colt seemingly healed by my blood. I was grateful though. Well, he was not completely healed, but my blood somehow stopped the bleeding, and he was still alive.
It’s impossible. This had nothing to do with my—
“Are you okay?”
“Jesus!” I jumped.
Gael stopped in front of me, wearing a worried look on his face.
Shit!
“I-I’m fine.” I swallowed. “How are you?”
“Really, Iris?” He narrowed his eyes on me.
“Sorry, it’s just—”
“You haven’t talked to me since the incident, and I can guess why are you avoiding me.”
I looked down and shrugged. My gut twisted painfully for what I did. Who else to be blamed if it was not me?
“I don’t blame you, Iris. No one is. I was only giving you some space because I know how traumatic it must be for you to watch Colt fighting for his life.” He just read my thought. “I just wanna thank you for saving his life.”
I met his gaze. “I did not save him, Gael. He’s not opening his eyes for days nor moved a little. I don’t wanna give up, but every time I went to see him, I felt like I’m losing hope, draining all my strength, and everything that I’ve been fighting to survive is slowly slipping through my fingers. He’s in there because of me.” I pointed to the Clinic door. “And yes. I’ve been avoiding you because I didn’t know what to say, and I know an apology won’t fix the mess I made that put him in a coma.”
I wanted him to hate me, but I couldn’t see any sign on his face, and I hated myself, even more, when all I saw was his compassion.
“He could have been dead days ago if it’s not because of you.”
“Just stop. Stop being nice to me! Think about your nephew for God’s sake!” I raised my hand. “I don’t deserve it! Any of these. Can you just hate me? Or tell me to leave?”
“Just stay strong, okay? All he needs right now is you.” He was still calm.
“He needs me? Are you sure about that? You’re unbelievable! Or he might hate me when he wakes up and doesn’t wanna see me again.”
“Just stop blaming yourself. This is not the right time to sulk.”
“I can’t help it. I hate myself for not being able to do something and just watch him while he’s fighting for his life. Do you know how it feels? It feels like I am ripping apart, knowing that no one knows when is he gonna wake up or if he’s ever gonna wake up.”
“Iris, please?”
“I wish I am a doctor and could do something.”
He stared at me for the longest time before he spoke. “Like what?”
“I don’t know. Maybe check what is going on?” I wrapped my arms around my body as I turned away, unable to face him.
“Have you forgotten that even scientists haven’t figured out the cure. We should consider ourselves lucky that Colt is still alive, and it’s all because of you.”
“It’s not because of me!” I stubbornly refused. “He must be immune, you know.”
“Then he shouldn’t bleed out like you. Keep denying that you’re the reason why he’s still breathing.”
“I still don’t understand.”
“You don’t have to. I know he can sense you, Iris, that you’re still alive, and that’s why he keeps fighting. He wants to live for you. Now, do me a favor and be strong for him.” His words made me stop.
My heart pounded in my chest. I haven’t thought of that. I haven’t thought of that reason, but I was sure that I wanted to live because of him and I wanted him to wake up because he meant more than anything to me.
“I get it, you feel guilty for what happened, but you haven’t thought of his feelings toward you. He cares about you, Iris. He would choose to save you if he happened to be in your position. I bet that he would trade his life just to let you live.”
I wiped my face. “Maybe you’re right.”
“Do you think I can stop Colt from going after Otis? No. Worse things might happen, we could end up being captured, and you would blame yourself more if any of us ended up dead.”
“I just want him to wake up.” My voice finally broke. Since I woke up, I tried hard not to break down and cry, until tonight, in front of Gael.
“All of us, and he will. Colt is a tough guy, and you know that. He wouldn’t be in the bed breathing after the virus almost took his life if he’s not. Now come here and give me a hug.” Gael opened his arms and smiled. Finally, the sadness clouded in his eyes.
I closed the gap and let him wrap his arms around me. I needed this. “It’s been hard awful days, and I barely slept. I didn’t want to because he might wake up alone, and I didn’t wanna fall asleep and wake up then I might receive bad news.”
“Trust me, you will be the first person he’ll ask the moment he opens his eyes.”
I shook to cry in his arms. I felt better now knowing that someone still cared for me after the trouble I caused. Gael was like a father to Colt and to everyone, and I was glad that he still considered me a part of his family.
I may lose my family twice, but I found another who treated me like one of them.
“I knew from the start that there’s something in you that could change our lives, Blue Iris. Thank you for staying with us and for making Colt whole again. You made him happy, and trust me, he will be happier when he wakes up.”
“I can’t wait for that moment, Gael. It’s been days.” I wiped my tears when I broke the hug.
“He will.”
“How did it happen?”
“I don’t know. I never believe in a miracle, but maybe I do now. Maybe Otis knew something about your blood or maybe you were once exposed, then get immunity. I really don’t know anything about it, and Dr. Hull couldn’t find answers as well. Let’s forget about how and just be grateful.”
***
WARM BREATHS were caressing my face. I felt like I was sleeping in my old bed—so comfortable with a warm arm draping around my waist.
“Hmm, it’s good to be in your arms again, twig,” a sleepy and hoarse voice said. Then warm cracked lips were kissing my nose. “God, I missed you. Can you open those blue eyes for me now, please? And I also want to kiss these lips pretty bad.”
Tears filled my eyes and fell at the corner. Everything seemed like in a dreamy state. So blissful—that was how good it felt, and I didn’t want to ever wake up.
He wrapped his arm around me tightly, securely. His legs over mine, and let my face buried at the crook of his neck. He then planted a kiss at the top of my head.
I took his smell into my lungs, into my system as he snuggled me in his arms.
“Thank God, he gave me another chance. That’s the last thing I asked from Him, Twig, because I regretted that I didn’t tell you sooner about how much I feel for you. And He granted it. He gave me to you. Starting today, I will show you and tell you how much you mean to me. Every. Fucking. Day. For the rest of our lives.” He stuck his chin above my head. His body seemingly shaking.
I held him tight, afraid that he would disappear if I let him loose.
Colt took a deep breath and slowly released it. “I wish you could hear me, Twig. I love you. So much it fucking hurts.”