The next morning, Cyrus had gone to check on Tammy at his parent’s cabin across the lake and move some of her things for her. Tammy sat back in the recliner in the old cabin as Cyrus laid a blanket across her lap. The home was cozy with a mix of modern and rustic. Cyrus and his brother and sister had worked hard to keep the family home, just as their parents would have wanted it. A home that was welcoming to everyone.
“How’s this? Are you comfortable?”
“Yes. Thank you. Will you sit with me awhile?”
Cyrus looked over at little Elias playing with his feet in the playpen across the room. With a sigh, he pulled over the ottoman and sat down next to her. She reached for his hand and Cyrus just stared at it as if it were an offering from Satan himself.
“Cyrus, please. I’m not trying to hit on you or anything. Just hold my hand. Please?”
Cyrus reached and took her hand in both of his. “I’m sorry. This is just a lot to process.”
“I know. The hesitation is more about the girl though, isn’t it? You’ve been tense all morning around me.”
“Mia means the world to me. I don’t want to disrespect her.”
“Of course. She’s a wonderful woman. Few ladies would be okay with their man helping their ex.”
“Can you blame them?”
“Not really. But this girl is special, isn’t she? I saw how you look at her, Cy. You love her, don’t you?”
Cyrus looked into Tammy’s eyes. He had to be honest. “I do. It shows that much?”
Tammy gave a slight chuckle and began to cough. “Yep. That girl has your dick on a leash. Can’t blame her. It’s pretty impressive, and you always knew how to use it.”
“Not funny. It’s not like that. She was a virgin when we met.”
“But not now?”
“No.” Cyrus blushed with a shy smile, looking away.
“That’s cute. Hell, Cy. I don’t think you were ever like this with me. It’s nice to see you genuinely happy.”
“You think so?”
“I know so. Cyrus. I need to be honest with you. I was never in love with you the way you were with me. I was just a clueless teenager when we met. We fell in love fast and married right out of high school. I wasn’t ready for that. You were ready to start a family as soon as you crossed the stage to get your diploma. It’s who you are. You are a nurturer. I loved you, but I wasn’t in love with you.”
“Wow. Thanks for making me feel like our marriage was a total lie.”
“It wasn’t. I needed you. You know how my family was. My dad was a drunk. My mom was a barfly. They could have given a shit less about me. Then I met you. It was my senior year in high school, and I thought the world of you. This sexy guy who was training to be a wrestler was paying attention to me. Before that, you were a man whore, and everyone knew it. Despite the scars, you were a ladies’ man. I think mostly you slept around because you were dealing with your parent’s death. Truth is when we dated it was for moral support, rather than real love. We never grew up and experienced life. I spent my late teen years consumed by you. When we married, I felt like it was just how things were.”
Cyrus thought for a moment. She was right. “That’s probably true for both of us. We never even dated anyone but each other after we got together. I slept around so much before then, and I hated myself for it. I used those girls because I was so angry at the world for losing my parents. When I met you, I felt like I could take care of someone and felt useful. Getting you away from those piece-of-shit parents of yours was all I cared about.”
“Exactly. You just saw me as a charity case. Cy, I cheated. A lot. It started after you started wrestling for the pros, and I went to college. I had found a whole new world, but I felt guilty for betraying you. After I started teaching, I thought it was time to settle down with you, but I felt empty inside. I was so alone while you were away, and I went right back to those old habits. I started seeking men to get the attention that I thought I wanted from you. Then pushed to take care of Isis. She was so messed up then. I didn’t know what I was doing and sure had no business being responsible for her.”
“I always knew.”
Tammy moved her body to face him, squeezing his hand. “Knew what?”
“About cheating. I knew. I didn’t want to believe it. I just thought as long as you came home to me at night, I could accept it. It wasn’t until Grayson that I couldn’t take it anymore. Tammy, why him? That broke my heart. Especially knowing what he did to me and my family. How could you do that to me?”
“He was there when I was needing you most. When we finally got pregnant that summer before…”
“Stop. I don’t want to talk about that.” Cyrus pulled his hand away and stood up. “You don’t get to talk about that.”
“Cyrus. Listen to me. You have to move past it.”
“No. I don’t. How can you? She was our daughter.”
“She was. But she was just not meant to be born. The miscarriage was like having lost both of you in one swift blow. We didn’t even tell your family I was carrying a baby. They still don’t know. It was early in the pregnancy and no one’s fault.”
“No. I lost you long before that. You are the one who pushed me away.”
“Because you were not living for you. You were living for me, Isis, Holly, Wraith, and all IWX. It’s like your parents died and you died with them. The only thing left was trying to keep everyone around you in this bubble you created. It was suffocating. Even the girls always said how overprotective you can be. When I lost the baby, it was like a part of you died with her. Like another part of you died all over again. Just like when your parents died.”
“Yet you marry the one man who destroyed my life and made it worse.”
Tammy dropped her head. “I know. It’s the one thing I can’t forgive myself for. But I can make it right. You can give Elias the life he deserves, away from that monster. You were right. All Greyson does is destroy people. All I could see then was money and how he lavished me with attention.”
“Was that what you wanted?” Cyrus asked with a snarky tone.
Adjusting the afghan on her lap, she said, “I don’t know? I guess I was craving attention. Nothing I say can fix that. It was wrong and I know it. What I can do is give you back something he took. A life. That little boy needs a good father who will love him and raise him to be an honest man. I can’t fix what I did to you. I can make sure that my son has the best life with someone that would give his life to protect him. I honestly believe that is with you.”
Cyrus looked over at the baby who was smiling up at him and he smiled at the little guy. The boy’s big brown eyes made Cyrus’ heart melt. “Do you think I’ll be a good dad?”
“I do. I wouldn’t trust him to anyone else.”
Cyrus picked up the child and held him close, smelling his soft baby powder scent. Elias snuggled into Cyrus’s neck with a smile.
“Our daughter. Do you think she is looking down on us now?”
“I think so. Maybe she’s helping us both to heal and make amends.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you then. I’m sorry I shut down. I thought my last chance of having a child of my own ended. I felt like I failed you. After all those years trying, and then we lose her.”
“I forgive you. I hope you can one day forgive me too.” Tammy smiled up at her baby boy.
Cyrus nodded. He would try, but it would take time. Even though time seemed short.