THE SILENCE was deafening, but no one dared breaking it.
There was nothing to say, and Raphael didn’t know how to approach her either. What started out as a normal, happy morning, turned into a hectic day of packing and arranging flights.
She sat at the window alone, staring out the window as the plane lifted from the ground. She hadn’t said anything for the past four hours except 'yes or no', and it was quite worrying.
After seeing that post on her sister’s Story, Tami had gone into what seemed like a state of shock. Her eyes weren’t focused and her breathing had never leveled since this morning. It didn’t even seem like she was aware that they were on their way to another country.
All she did was stare.
Sighing, Raphael pushed a duffle bag under the chair when the plane had leveled in the air. He had to make a lot of calls, cancel a lot of meetings and now he was suffering from a huge headache. But he knew it wasn’t because of the stress, but simply the worry that had been on his mind since Tami went numb.
But he could understand her state. Someone she was obviously close to, was gone, and she wasn’t even there to say goodbye.
It was all his fault, he constantly told himself. His guess was that her father returned to Nassau, heard of the news and with the constant confusion that Tami was kidnapped or that she simply ran away got too much for him.
The events of his death weren’t in Amy’s Instagram story, but it was more than likely a lucky guess.
What he also knew was that Tami was thinking the same thing, and she was blaming it all on herself. He didn’t want her to. She wasn’t the one who took herself. It was his selfish desires that caused it all.
“Do you want some food?” Raphael asked softly, reaching over to hold her hand. She shook her head.
“I’m not hungry.”
“You haven’t eaten in over six hours, Tami. Please, I will get you something.” He sighed. The last time he remembered her having food was this morning at breakfast. Since then, she had only had water.
“I’m not hungry,” she said again in the same monotone voice.
Raphael sighed but he didn’t insist. He simply left to get a snack—her favourite one before returning with a box of juice too.
“Have this,” he told her as she slid the Oreo cookies and over to her, but she retreated her hands as if they were on fire as she shook her head.
“I’m not-“
“Tami,” he cut her off as he reached over to hold her hands firmly in his. “Please eat something.”
For the first time since morning, Tami looked directly in his eyes. His heart broke at the sight. Tami’s eyes, which were normally so bright and full of life, were void and empty as if her soul had left her body.
Maybe it has. Raphael remembered how many times she would speak of her father, saying he was usually a man of words. His love for her was indescribable, and he was her best friend.
When he suffered his first stroke and lost his ability to speak or walk, Tami took it on herself to learn and teach the whole family sign language. That was how much he meant to her.
So to have this happening now, when he was supposed to be away in Canada with his brother, broke her to the core. All she could think about was that he died without her, and she was busy on another island living a paradise dream while he must’ve been suffering. And then only to find out on social media, as if she was just one of her sister’s followers and not a part of the family, was heart wrenching.
Yet, she didn’t cry. She couldn’t find the tears, because it didn’t feel real. At least not yet.
“Oh baby…” Raphael whispered with his own heart breaking as he moved beside her and pulled her onto his lap. She didn’t protest so he cuddled her to his chest as he tried to emit all his love and comfort to her.
He was never good with emotions, but he swore to do everything by Tami to make her feel better. He would turn this whole world inside out to have her smile again. He hated to be the one to make her frown, and sooner or later when it all became real to her, he knew that she would place the blame on him.
In her stages of grief, if she suffers them all, there will be a moment when she will be angry—angry at everything and angry at the world for taking him away from her. But mostly, she will be angry at Raphael for being the start of all this in the first place.
Raphael dreaded the thought, because all he wanted to do was hold her and let the pain go away.
He couldn’t relate either. Even after losing both his parents, there was little to no grief in his heart. His father never cared for him emotionally, and his mother only used him as a publicity indicator to be the ‘CEO Single Mom’ when his father left.
Losing both his parents was like losing business associates, because there has been no family affection between them.
However, his chest clenched uncomfortably at the thought of losing Tami, and so he could at least understand the pain she felt. Losing someone you love is never easy. He wished he could take all her pain and bear it for her. But since he couldn’t, he simply had to be there for her.
“I’ve got you Tami,” he mumbled in her hair as the fist sob racked through her body. He squeezed his eyes shut as it literally felt like he was feeling her pain.
His arms wrapped around her tighter and he blinked away his own tears as he gazed through the window into the fluffy clouds.
“I’ve got you.”
Her cries never stopped as they rode the short flight, and soon after they were landing in Nassau. Tami clenched onto his jacket as if she was afraid when the plane came to a stop on the runway. All that were left were her sniffles as she left her face buried in his chest. Opening her eyes would make it all more real far too soon.
Raphael sighed as the pilot announced that they had landed safely, as if it wasn’t obvious, and with Tami still in his arms gripping onto him for dear life, he rose and alighted the plane, stepping onto the land of Nassau once again.
Welcome home, Tami. Welcome home.