Chapter 22
ALICIA
Beauty is alluring.
Beauty is elegance.
Beauty is a woman subjected to all sorts of body manipulations.
Who am I kidding?
Beauty is pain.
My head feels like it's going to spilt into two with the tight chignon Tanya has my long hair in. Let's not get started on my face and the stuff she's put on it.
"Stand still, let me put the finishing touches to your makeup. You're sweating like it's going out of fashion." She says to me with a voice full of exasperation.
"I'm trying but you know I'm not used to wearing all this heavy stuff." She has put a ton of powder on my face already and it's beginning to feel numb, plus I'm sweating buckets and it's so uncomfortable. "I'm only going for lunch, not a beauty pageant."
"That's the point though, you need to look your best." She says, fiddling with my lashes.
"Ouch!" That stings. "And now I can't see well. What did you do?"
She sighs exasperatingly once more. "That's 'cause you've refused to close your eyes. I'm only using fake eyelashes, look how drop-dead gorgeous you look. He's not going to be able to take his eyes off you."
I groan into my palms on hearing her words. Leonard is coming in the next ten minutes to pick me up for lunch and ever since Tanya found out I was going out with him, she has been stuck to me like glue. I mean that in a good way. While I'm happy we're finally getting that sisterly bonding going on, it's a bit choking. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy she comes back home earlier than she used to these days and has begun full-on talking to me once again, I just can't help but feel she's pushing me to Leonard.
She encourages me to go out more with him and tells me he's a really good guy. How she knows this is beyond me. Yes, I know they work together at Ash's nightclub but I've never heard her talk about Leonard before, until some days ago. I also noticed something about her that doesn't sit right with me.
I've caught her sitting in the sitting room with the TV off, staring at nothing in particular with a lost look on her face. That's not all. Little noises startle her. She jumps when the door mistakenly slams or when the doorbell rings, or even when a shadow fills the doorway. It worries me when a look of fear clouds her face. I have never seen her so off-kilter before and it's making me worried.
Actually, there's only one other time I saw her get this way.
The time she came back from juvie.
She kept looking over her shoulder as if expecting something or someone to appear, and she was always skittish. It was only after months of therapy she calmed down and even began sleeping well. I can't shake off the feeling her behavior is a sign of some impending storm.
The doorbell rings and her hands are still on my face. Our eyes clash in the mirror. I can see the terror on her face. She's frozen. The doorbell rings once again and she flinches like she's been slapped. Now, I don't care if Leonard is on the other side of the door breathing it down, it's now or never to ask what has her so terrified.
As if she knows what I'm about to ask, she removes her hand from my face and speaks without looking at me. "I think this'll do for now." I watch as she gathers stuff into her makeup bag.
It's now or never. "Tanya-"
The doorbell peels once more. "You better get that, it's probably Leonard."
I know I've been dismissed as she busies herself with folding clothes that are strewn all over the bed. I watch her through the mirror as she huffs and throws all of them back on the bed and walks out of the room. Something has got her acting up. Unfortunately, I can't do anything about it. At least for now.
I sigh as I hear her speaking to Leonard. She sounds happy. No one would ever guess she's the same person who changes moods like it's going out of fashion. I take one last look at myself in the mirror before I leave the room.
*
"Have I told you how gorgeous you look tonight?" Leonard's voice close to my ear rouses me from the mental slumber it's in.
I angle my body towards him and gift him with a fake smile. Leonard is every girl's dream.
Handsome, charming, disarming, and attentive.
Sadly, I'm so not every girl.
While his attention is flattering, it's also cloying, making me feel smothered. Every time I look at his face, I compare it to another more mature, ruggedly handsome face. Leonard's charm, though bright, is basic. Plain. It doesn't have the strings of darkness I have become accustomed to on the face of the man I see when I close my eyes.
I swallow the urge to snap at him and sigh instead. "Why didn't you come last week Tuesday night as promised?"
We had spoken since then. Actually, we had spoken every day since then, but not once has he apologized nor even given a reason for not showing up that day. I watch as his Adam's apple bobs. His knuckles are white as they grip the steering too tightly.
What is it that's making him get this way? All he has to do is explain himself. It takes some seconds, but he puts himself under control before turning to me with a too-bright smile. "I'm sorry, babe, I had a flat tire when coming out and It took a while for me to change it."
Yeah, that's a lie.
But I let it slide because he's already pulling into the front of a familiar-looking restaurant. I squint, trying to remember what about this place has my heart beating faster. Leonard is already taking my hand and leading me out as he flips the key to the valet and leads me inside the restaurant. Gold and black décor is the first thing I see once I enter.
We pass a large foyer filled with low rose-colored chandeliers in the ceiling and wide floor-to-ceiling see-through windows. As I'm led further inside to the main restaurant, warm soulful music pours out from hidden speakers, surrounding us in a bubble of warmth. The lighting isn't bright, neither is it dim, it's just right. Tables of different sizes - some with four people, others with more - fill the moderate-sized room.
I see the way everyone is dressed and there's no doubt about it- one can't get in here wearing casual clothes. Waiters in black and white uniforms idle about holding silver trays on which food and drinks are. A woman stands to the side, wearing a chic skirt suit. She points to one of the waiters and he scurries over to her. I'm thinking she's the floor manager with the way she's dressed.
Immediately she sets eyes on Leonard, she walks towards us with a wide smile on her face. She puts an arm around him with a familiar ease that has me thinking they obviously go way back. I don't know why I don't feel a twinge of jealousy. It could either be because she's an older woman or I'm not attracted to Leonard. Whatever the case may be, as soon as he introduces us, I stick out my hand and pump hers.
She leads us to a table for two in the middle of the restaurant. As soon as we're seated, a waiter brings a bottle of champagne. He opens it with a flourish and pours some into two flute glasses. "It's on the house. Please enjoy it." He says, before walking away.
I intend to.
Leonard's hand covers mine and he leans forward. "I hope you're enjoying all this?"
I don't know what he means by all this but I smile anyway. That seems enough for him as he pats me on the hand and collects the menu from a passing waiter. Time seems to fly and he fills it with meaningless chatter.
I try to listen, I really do, but my mind keeps wandering to Ash. I haven't heard from him since the night he stormed into my apartment like a thief stealing all of my peace.
I waited for a call. Nothing.
I expected a text, but still, I got nothing.
Now I'm left wondering what game he's playing. Could it be he's finally tired of me, of our deal, and has moved on to someone else?
If that's the case, I should be happy. I should be ecstatic. Heck, I should be doing a jig on the table right about now, but all I feel is sadness and a certain emptiness inside me. I feel hollow through and through.
"A penny for your thoughts." Leonard's voice snatches me away from my thoughts.
This time I'm not able to slap on a smile. I'm not able to fake it like I've been doing since I set eyes on him today.
"Is something wrong?" His hand is about to land on mine, but I shift it away and jerk up.
"I'm fine. I just need to use the ladies." I don't wait for his reply before I walk away from the table.
I keep walking until I'm away from the room. Where my feet take me, I don't know but by the time I realize it, I'm standing outside a door. I look around but there's no one to stop me so I open it and step into another world. The room is decked in rich blue furnishings. At one corner of the room is a long table filled with an array of food and drinks. What has me curious is the lone table in the middle. A beautiful woman seats at it looking bored.
I'm still standing wonderingly when a man in black jeans and a tee, joins her. He kisses her on the lips and seats down opposite her backing me. I watch as her face lights up as she stares at him. I should go while my presence is still unnoticed, but as I turn away, flashes of a different scene in this same room plague me. It feels like I've been in here before. My brain is screaming at me to turn around and walk away while I still have the chance but I can't seem to make my feet obey me.
I watch as the man holds out his hand to the woman. As they rise and turn towards me, all the air in me seems to escape as I see the man's face.