~Arian Storm~
She had ripped it out. With a small sentence she had managed to make me doubt myself and maybe destroy that between us forever.
I was so sure about us. After I figured out what this whole mate thing is, I figured it's just because Lou has to forgive me and then everything would be perfect. But now?
Now I have my proof of why I didn't want this in the first place. It made you weak. She had just seen me at the weakest moment of my life.
How I stood there and confessed my feelings to her, how she coldly broke my heart and I also showed how much her words hurt me.
I was stupid enough to think that shitty mate thing was a gift. She's not at all. It's a curse that forces me to love a stranger.
I don't even know Lou, so how am I supposed to fall in love with her? It's all just fucked up! Such a piece of nonsense!
My wolf ran relentlessly through the outer territory of my pack, killing any animal that came my way. I was angry, more than that, I was weak. I've gotten so weak since Lou got here...
That should never have happened. It should never have come to this! Why did I throw my own beliefs out the window so quickly anyway? Where's the strong Arian who had no remorse and refused his mate without batting an eyelid. Where did the Arian from the hotel go?
I ran along the borders of my territory for a long time. As long as the sun was already setting. But I just couldn't calm down. I could have kept running like this forever.
"Arian!" Sebastian knocked through the mindlink and reluctantly I let him in.
"What?!" I muttered back, more than angry. He can certainly see that he's interrupting me, whatever.
"Okay, calm down, man. I just wanted to let you know that your mate just went into the pack house." Good for her. Then she can pack her bags and leave me right away. I don't want her here anymore. She's just like all other women .Just a lying bitch.
"I don't care what she does anymore! Get her out of my pack or I'll do it myself!"
"WHAT?" Seb was audibly irritated. "I thought you prepared a surprise for her? What happened?"
Fuck! The surprise... This liar didn't deserve that.
She thinks she can just take advantage of me and trample on my heart? Then she hasn't really gotten to know me. That in the hotel back then was just a taste of my callous side.
She pretends to me that she wants all of this. Even come to America for me. Tells me she'll never break my heart and yet this little liar does it. It's all just fucked up! She's faking me to get revenge.
This isn't love!
"I don't give a damn and she probably won't be happy because she's a damn liar. She hates me, I hate her. thing done. And now please escort her with her belongings to the pack boundary. I don't want to see her again!"
The last one was an alpha command. I wanted to make sure he was listening to me too. I just had to do it. Me and Lou would never end well. We're just not made for each other. The moon goddess made a mistake.
Snippets of conversation kept coming my way as I walked through the forest, lost in thought.
'I FEEL NOTHING FOR THE FUCK FOR YOU!'
It still hurt even when I tried not to feel, so those words shattered my heart.
'I want to, but there's nothing...'
How could there be nothing when I felt so much for her. Shit... I still do.
But I can not. I have to be strong for my pack, and if my pack needs another Luna to make me happy, they'll get that too.
'I can promise you I won't be that one...'
Those words made me stop. Something was tugging at my heart again and it was so painful that for a moment I thought I couldn't go on living. But instead I put my head back and cried louder than ever.
It wasn't a normal wolf howl. It sounded sad. I put all the feelings into the howling and just let them go.
And even if I wanted it differently, I had to admit that I still felt something for her. I could never love someone else, never sleep with someone else again, and I certainly didn't want to have all of that with someone else. I just wanted her. It's them or none at all, but now what?
She does not love me. She has no feelings for me!
FUCK WHAT NOW?!
Please, goddess, what should I do now?
Never in my life have I been as desperate as I am now. I wish I could have stuck my head in the sand forever.
Again I put my head back and cried to the full moon.
i cried I cried for a long time. Maybe hours before I got hoarse and even then a tortured howl came out of me.
And even after that I didn't feel any better.
But after all this time, I'm now asking myself: maybe I even deserve this? Is this my punishment for refusing her?
But one thing I knew more clearly than anything else now that my anger has faded. I couldn't let her go. As much as it hurt me. I just wasn't able to cast her out, let her go.
I still felt a strong need to take care of her, to provide for her and most importantly to protect her.
Realizing this, I quickly headed in the direction of the pack house. Maybe I was too hard on her...