Chapter 55
Lucia Lorenzo's POV
I fell onto the couch and used my hands to pull at my hair.
Relationships are difficult; I realize that. I am aware that it involves compromise, communication, and other related issues. Because of our link, Blaine and I feel like we are frantically holding onto our relationship with everything we have, but perhaps there was a mistake.
When he is angry with me, my heart aches.
Goddess, I almost shoved him out of the house, and he's still healing from an injury.
I sighed. My eyes felt like they could close at any moment, and my back hurt from spending so much time on a chair. Though I'm a little uncomfortable, I try to search my mind for answers.
Blaine is not entirely wrong. I've spent far too much time dwelling on the past. It's just holding us back at this point, and to be honest, hanging on is exhausting.
I suddenly felt overwhelmed with guilt.
Because he took the time to care, Blaine was aware of all those details about me. How in the heck am I aware of him? His favorite foods are unknown to me. I have no idea what his aspirations are.
I keep thinking of my dad as the guilt starts to overwhelm me.
You have two options if something is troubling you: sit there or get up and take action.
So I give it my all.
On the rocks where Rose and I used to sit, I discovered Blaine. That seems like a very long time ago when there was uncertainty in every aspect of my existence.
I'll never grow tired of the lake, even if it looks as gorgeous today as it does every night.
I hike up to the rock beside Blaine's and take a seat. His gaze locks with mine, but he looks away from me once more.
Alright, I'm up to this.
Blurting out, "I'm sorry,"
My unexpected remarks cause Blaine's eyebrows to shoot up in fear.
"You're right I've been holding onto the past, but before I move on from it, we need to discuss everything, and I mean everything."
This time, he furrows one brow.
My friend is a verbose dude.
"So there is no better time than the present; let's get everything hammered out," I responded. I fish around in my pocket for my phone.
"Did you make a list?"
I shoot Blaine a sidelong glance.
Naturally, I compiled a list. They are the most effective method for completing tasks quickly."
He gives a headshake.
"Ok, first off, tell me what you think I should know about you and Mirabel."
"Wow, starting strong, huh?"
I find myself rolling my eyes.
"Well, it seemed like we were so alone when we first got together. While I was still getting over the loss of my mother, she had lost her partner. Though we didn't truly love each other, it worked out. It was more enticing in the sense of the idea of love."
He draws in a long breath.
"We had a poor relationship. She was an asshole, so I try not to think about the person I was with. Mirabel would probably agree. She's changed into a much better person, in my opinion.
The little reservations I had regarding his past with my sister were ultimately dispelled by his statements.
"Why didn't you want a mate, Lucia?"
I'm momentarily stunned by his question.
You know, I've always had plans. I never thought I would share them with anyone. Eventually, I did desire a partner, but I never intended for it to arrive so quickly."
My opinion on partners is not very well-liked. All of their lives, werewolves dream of meeting their partners. However, how healthy is that? I don't regret my choice because I didn't want to depend on another person for my achievements in life.
"Now it seems incredibly disrespectful and self-centered. I mean, some individuals only have so much time with their partner, and I'm whining about having discovered mine so soon."
"There's nothing wrong with wanting things just for yourself, Lucia," Blaine said.
We were silent for a little while. The sound of the automobiles on the main road and the sounds of the wildlife are all audible, but my heartbeat is so rapid that it's nearly unsettling. I inhaled deeply before ripping the band-aid off.
"Why did you send me to Italy?"
Blaine remains silent. Despite not having lived here his entire life, he looks at the lake as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world.
"Lucia, this is something I never wanted to tell you."
My first ideas are often the worst-case ones.
Did he conceive this girl?
Do I turn away from him?
"Stop that. He insists, "I know you're thinking the worst right now.
"Well, I'm going to continue thinking bad things unless you tell me why!"
"Lucia, you've been my obsession forever."
My throat tightens with every breath.
"I used to try anything to grab your attention when we were younger. And when my mother passed away, the only person who didn't treat me like a bomb that was just about to go off was you."
He looks from his body to me.
"It should be illegal since you've always been so darn attractive. You're very talented, too. How many nice people are there in the world, do you know? Not many, and naturally, I end up mating with one of the few people I know."
Additionally, you constantly bust my balls. Never before have I witnessed so much hate aimed toward an alpha."
I believe I'm getting red.
Therefore, don't assume that I did it to get rid of you. Naturally, I wanted you here with me, but I had to decide what I felt was right."
He tilts his head back and looks away from me once more. Before his gaze returns to the water, it fixes itself on the moon.
"Learning that you were my mate didn't make me joyful. Since you were the sister of the lady who had cheated on me, I was determined to remain unmarried."
He chuckles, but it's not funny.
"I made a pledge that no woman would ever do that to me, and it's difficult to watch a man you adore break apart because he lost his other half. After you entered my life, I was unable to bear to be without you."
"I had a dream shortly after your birthday. Given that it did not feel like a dream, I suppose it was more of a vision or recollection."
I'm filled with dread by his newly found distant tone.
"I was holding you; no, I was holding your corpse."
I sigh.
"There was blood everywhere, and I mean everywhere, Lucia."
"It scared the crap out of me, and when I went to Clara about it, she told me that it could be connected to our past lives like a memory Ronaldo passed onto me."
He looks broken right now, and it's the most awful thing I've ever seen, so I want to say something to console him, but I can't. I'm too startled to be of any consolation.
"But afterward, things were different. Dorothy was in the original one but in this new one, you were the one. I do not doubt it."
I wanted to hug him because of the misery in his eyes and the dread I can sense radiating from him.
I murmured to him in his ear, "I'm not going to die on you."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
With his hand still gripping my waist tightly, he retreats.
"I need you to understand that I can live with the idea of you in Italy, even if it's with someone else, but I can't live with the thought of you dead in my arms."
"I'd rather be dead than be apart from you," I said.
He rasps, "Don't say such cruel words," and his lips slowly meet mine in a kiss.
Do you realize that I would never allow you to pass away? "Now that I've told you the truth, I don't want you to be afraid," he said, making my mouth water more.
His remarks make me want to smile because they are superfluous. I've never questioned Blaine's ability to keep me safe, even though there have been moments when I've been skeptical of us. He would never expose me to danger.
"It's okay; I can defend myself," I reply.
"Oh, I know."
"All right, now ask me a query." I hope for an easy one, but of course, when has anything with this man been easy? Tell me about the guys, please." I know it's something that troubles him, but I also understand that he has no right to be angry because if he were, he would be acting hypocritically.
"There's just not much to say. I tried having sex with him after we did a few things, but it didn't work out."
"Why?"
"It wasn't about you; don't let your ego develop. I recently realized that I didn't connect with any of them, and I wanted to have pleasant memories of my first experience free from regrets."
"And did it meet your expectations?"
"Hmm, I don't know. I think you need to consider taking some supplements."
Even though it's quite evident that I'm lying, he growls.
I let out a little laugh and gave him a brief kiss.
"Let's go home, mate."
Saying, "Gladly," he picks me up like a bride on her wedding day.
I can't help but think that I wouldn't mind staring at his face indefinitely as he speeds us home.