’Get out!’ These were actually the words he wanted to say, yet once again, but just as the words formed in his mind, Ian knew how much of a hypocrite he would be to say them then.
He still had his back to her, and his mighty member was still standing erect even after successfully unloading himself in her mouth. He felt very much embarrassed and guilty about that, though, and was baffled at the girl’s tricks. Thankfully, his mouth was still very sane. He turned to look at her and said, to his own surprise,
"Don’t leave.... I mean, can you stay?"
Without waiting for her response, he entered the bathroom but before closing the door all the way. He started asking himself,
"Why did I ask her to stay? What is she staying for? So that I make more of a fool of myself? What is going on? Ian! Get a hang of yourself!"
Her image remained imprinted in his mind, tormenting him. Ian knew that he needed that distance between them to calm himself and get rid of the erotic thoughts that were storming through him. His mind was a mess! ... it did not help that he still felt a bit hot and sweaty, indicating that his fever was still present.
However, he was also constantly at odds with himself within this short time. Notwithstanding this, even though he would never admit to himself, he had felt so alive during their tumble in the sheets and was trying his best not to yank the door open and go back to continue with what he had left unfinished.
"You’re going crazy, Ian!" He said to himself because just that thought alone was enough to send his mind tumbling back to her in his room and on his bed. All he had to do was turn his head and look through the small gap left.
Like a beacon of light through the darkest tunnel and times in his life, she shone in the room, her silly smile, tongue that licked her lips provocatively, cleaning the last of his seed off from all he had unloaded on her. It pulled his heartstrings. He averted his eyes and shut the bathroom door firmly behind him, leaning against it, spent!
Ian did not understand himself.
"It’s Aliya I did love, right?" He spoke quietly in the empty bathroom, trying to reassure himself of his emotions, but he had not realized that he had even used the past tense here. Stuck in his mind were two sides of himself in stark contrast.
These contradictory selves were tearing at his struggling heart and mind. Most importantly, Ian did not like the sudden feeling of losing control. He had done it twice with the same person and detested that emotion.
Examining his emotions, he found that he could not muster any dissatisfaction or hate towards this new girl. It made him more confused than angry. If there was any anger, it was directed at himself for not being able to stand his ground.
He had vowed never to touch any other woman and live a chaste life in memory of Aliya, but in that span of a few days, he had broken that vow himself. The girl had done nothing at all. He had initiated everything! Ian could not afford to blame anyone because it was his doing.
’I should probably apologize to her instea-’
But then the memory of her reflected once again. He had already apologized, but contrary to the reaction he had expected, he still remembered the silly and mischievous smile when she had said,
"I’m not sorry, though."
He stood up, discarded his boxers, and stepped under the cold shower. He let the cold spray tumble over his large frame. The goosebumps that appeared on his skin upon contact with the water were ignored. He had always been harsh with himself and did not care much about what was best for him. He stood still under the cold spray for a good half hour, lost in thoughts, before he stepped out.
’Do I even deserve the right to regret anything when I have done the same thing twice?’
He thought as he stepped out and wiped himself with a towel.
After that, Ian slipped on a large bathrobe and then headed for the door, only to hesitate.
Something was nagging at the back of his mind, and he could not quite grasp it.
He dropped his hand and started pacing the bathroom, stopping in front of the mirror. A pale-faced, bushy-bearded man stared back at him.
At this time, Ian was hesitant to go out because he was unsure or, for lack of a better word, he did not trust himself around the ungodly beauty waiting for him in the room.
"You can’t stay in here forever, Ian!" He said, staring at himself, but then it clicked. The thought that had been eluding him for a while finally clicked into place.
He dropped his hand as if it had no strength. The confusion and whatnot all disappeared from his face, and his features hardened.
Whatever thought had manifested was not one that Ian liked one bit!
He gritted his teeth, and said into the empty space in the bathroom. A few minutes passed without activity, making one think that Ian might be nuts. But he started growing angrier by the minute.
"I will not repeat myself again,"
A rustling sound was heard this time, and a young figure appeared out of nowhere.
"What did you do?" Ian could barely hold onto the anger that threatened to burst through him.
The man went on one knee, "Your Highness, I have done nothing!"
Ian frowned despite his anger, for he detested being addressed that way, but he had more pressing issues to deal with then.
His cold glare was, however, deterring enough for the man to change the way he addressed him.
"I- ehmmm, Chairman, I have done nothing!"
"You should know better than I do that I will never lose control with anyone! What have you done with the woman? Why did you bring her here!"
The man did not say anything, for he knew Ian; his words about the woman would only make Ian more vigilant, more cold if he could help it, even though he knew that this situation was different from the usual Ian issues. It would be better if Ian figured it out on his own. For this was when he could really let go and indulge in his heart fantasies.
"We have done nothing, Your Highn-, I mean Chairman but – I think-"
"Spill!" After a while, the man finished a lengthy narration to Ian. Ian examined his face for any form of deceit but could find nothing. The man added the last part primarily to himself,
"You will have to figure this one out, Your Majesty."
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