“Mari... wait, no—Cat Mario.”
Ayin clicked into the game details page.
Right next to the janky, half-assed game cover, it read:
Game Title: Cat Mario
Developer: Golden Wind
Genre: Side-scrolling platformer
Price: ¥2
“This art style though…”
Ayin stared into the eyes of the upright troll-faced cat on the cover and couldn’t help but burst out laughing:
He clicked “Buy” and added Cat Mario to his game library.
Meanwhile, the comment section exploded with laughter at the ridiculous cover art—
“What the heck is this game?”
“Looks insanely scuffed.”
“This art’s like... one step up from stick figures at best.”
“That cat’s got the most punchable face I’ve ever seen…”
“Isn’t this just a Mario reskin? Straight-up cash grab.”
“Classic ‘start the game and eat sh*t’ opener.”
“Bet the dev set the price low on purpose—who’d bother refunding two yuan?”
“Total scam. Already reporting it.”
“You call this a game?”
“……”
The game file was tiny—download and install completed in the blink of an eye.
Glancing at the chat, Ayin shook his head. His thoughts were pretty much in sync with the comments.
“Alright, I’ll give it a quick spin. If it’s a shameless scam, we’re out in under 20 minutes. Everyone just hit ‘report’ and we move on.”
With that, he launched the game.
The screen lit up.
It was like Mario… but worse—jankier, more scribbled, like a bootleg knockoff.
Oval clouds, square bricks, rectangle pipes, and round little enemies that weren’t even fully colored...
Ayin was speechless.
“This is just ridiculous…”
“I mean, I’m not expecting miracles for two yuan, but come on—don’t use the default paint program, at least!”
This piece of crap?
He could make it himself!
“And it’s literally Mario! The levels are exactly the same! I could beat this thing blindfolded!”
With that, he started the game.
Controlling the smug-faced cat, Ayin walked a few steps forward while narrating:
“Move forward, yup, jump, squash the little guy, hit this question block—there should be a coin…”
He had the troll cat jump and hit the block.
But then—
Diu—
With a cheeky sound effect, the block that should’ve dropped a coin suddenly floated up by one level.
“Eh?”
Ayin blinked, then instinctively held down the jump button.
Diu—
Another sound. The block rose even higher.
“Wait, what the f*ck?”
Ayin finally realized something was off.
“Why won’t it let me hit the block?!”
The viewers caught on too, realizing there might be more to this game than it seemed—
“LMAO never thought I’d live to see a block run away from me.”
“Block: Get outta here, don’t touch me!”
“HAHAHAHA it’s so petty!”
“‘I can beat this with my eyes closed’—famous last words.”
“This might actually be kinda interesting.”
“Man, this game’s got serious troll energy…”
He tried jumping a few more times, but the block kept dodging higher and higher. With no chance of snagging that coin, Ayin gave up.
“Screw it, it’s just a coin. Who cares. There’s a mushroom coming up.”
He pressed on, successfully hitting the next question block.
Ding-dong!
With a familiar sound, the mushroom popped out and slid across the row of blocks.
Ayin, already waiting underneath, prepared to power up.
Still flexing: “I’m telling you, I could play this in my sleep. I’ve got the whole thing memorized—”
Before he could finish—
The purple mushroom dropped right onto Cat Mario’s head.
And then—
Cat Mario did a tiny hop in place… and died.
Right above him, a message popped up:
[This shroom… is poisonous.]
Ayin, stunned for a split second, exploded:
“Wait, WHAT?! EXCUSE ME?! I’ve been playing Mario for over twenty years and NEVER—no one EVER told me mushrooms could be poisonous!!!”
Clearly!
This absurd death didn’t just shock Ayin—it had the whole chat in stitches:
“He just DIED from eating a mushroom LMAOOOO”
“Mario’s rolling in his grave right now.”
“This is some top-tier bulls**t hahahahaha”
“Young folks bounce back fast—guy died and just took a nap.”
“Bro got so shook he started speaking Tianjin dialect.”
“Cause of death: ‘I can beat this blindfolded.’”
“The death quote is killing me lol.”
“This game is TOXIC hahahaha…”
Now!
From Ayin to everyone watching, people finally realized—this game wasn’t as dumb as it looked.
On the surface, it looked like a lazy Mario ripoff.
But underneath, every step was booby-trapped. Every move could lead to disaster.
Ayin took a deep breath, eyes glinting at the flood of neon gift icons filling the screen. He steadied his nerves.
“Aaah—sh*t! I get it now! This game’s got an attitude!”
“Alright then, so we’re playing dirty, huh? Let’s go!”
He straightened up, cracked his knuckles, and gripped his controller tight.
“You think you can stump me? I’m a dual-mode streamer—PC and VR! I’m not losing to this crap!”
With newfound resolve—
Cat Mario restarted!
No more chasing coins.
No more eating suspicious mushrooms.
By pure luck, he even dodged the flying fish that burst out of the first pipe!
“...Ayy, see that? That’s what I call top-tier instincts!”
Ayin thumped his chest proudly.
“Just now? Reflexes so good even a kung fu master would be impressed!”
Feeling himself, he squashed another enemy and walked up to the second pipe.
He baited it a couple of times—no fish popped out.
He grinned.
“Now this pipe—you can tell if the dev knows Mario or not.”
“Old school players know, this pipe’s supposed to be an entrance to a hidden room.”
“Let’s test it.”
He stepped on the pipe and pressed the down key.
Sure enough!
After a slight pause, Cat Mario began descending into the pipe.
Ayin nodded approvingly. “Not bad. Remembering the secret level means the dev actually—”
Before he could finish—
Suddenly!
The pipe started shaking.
The shaking grew stronger and stronger, and to everyone’s stunned silence, flames burst out of the bottom!
Next thing they knew—RUMBLE—
The pipe launched like a rocket, blasting Cat Mario into the sky until he vanished like a shooting star!
Lives: -1
Ayin: ……
“That just proves this f*cking dev is mentally deranged!!!”
SLAM!
He smacked his desk, too stunned to process the absurdity.
“Which f*cking film school taught you to design games like this?!”