The office was in chaos.
Originally, Dean Qu was still in tears, but the sudden entrance of Qin Huai startled her tears dry. She fumbled, trying to put gloves on Qu Jing. She picked up the gloves but then decided the priority was rolling down the sleeves.
In her haste, she pressed too hard on the bandage on Qu Jing’s hand, causing Qu Jing to wince in pain and pull her hand back, which frightened Dean Qu enough to immediately let go.
After a series of hurried actions, Dean Qu ended up holding a half-knitted colorful mitten, standing in front of Qu Jing, trying to shield her.
Unlike Dean Qu, who was flustered and disorganized, wishing she had eight hands at one moment, and at another moment, she wished she were 2.2 meters tall and weighed 280 pounds to shield Qu Jing like a wall, Qu Jing had no reaction.
When Qin Huai walked in, Qu Jing instinctively hid her hands behind her back. Realizing Qin Huai’s eyes were already on her and she couldn’t hide, she accepted her fate, lowered her head, and retrieved her hands.
Qin Huai, on the other hand, put on the best performance of his life.
He pretended that he merely stumbled upon them while looking for Dean Qu, surprised but concealing his shock well. He glanced at Qu Jing’s arm, quickly shifted his gaze, and acted as if nothing had happened, calmly waiting for Dean Qu to finish her charade before speaking slowly.
"Dean Qu, we have all the materials ready on our side, just waiting for the kids to come and make buns together. I came over to get some documents from you."
Every word Qin Huai said was drawn out, sounding like a cautious statement after careful consideration.
Seeing Qin Huai willing to play dumb, Dean Qu breathed a sigh of relief, looked at Qu Jing with some worry, hesitated for a few seconds, and seemed to make a certain decision.
"I’ll call the children over. I’ll give you the documents, Xiao Qin, when you leave, so the folder doesn’t get dirty."
"Jingjing... help me entertain Xiao Qin, go... go... go pour him a cup of tea... no, I mean... I mean... I’ll go call people, you help entertain him."
Walking briskly, she didn’t look back, as if afraid she wouldn’t be able to leave the office if she hesitated for even a moment.
Only Qu Jing and Qin Huai were left in the office.
Qin Huai knew it was time to test their rapport.
He believed the sticky rice cake, jujube and yam cake, and dried tangerine peel tea that Qu Jing had eaten during this time, as well as the chats with the elderly, were not in vain.
Qu Jing said nothing and didn’t hide her arm. They both stood silently in the office, the air silent and deathly quiet.
"Are you coming to the canteen tomorrow?" Qin Huai asked proactively, "I’m making sticky rice cakes with jujube and yam filling, but you might have to come later. I have to go home and make the cake; it probably won’t be ready until eight or nine in the morning."
"And I probably won’t be able to get up early tomorrow morning, so I’ll be a bit late to work."
Qu Jing looked up, trying to see if Qin Huai was pretending to be calm and changing the subject or if he was genuinely relaxed. She looked at Qin Huai’s expression for a full minute or two, her lips trembling as she asked:
"Don’t you find it terrifying?"
"Quite frightening." Qin Huai nodded.
Qu Jing finally breathed a sigh of relief, bit her lip, making her already pale lips even paler.
"I’m not allergic to UV at all."
Qin Huai responded, "I could guess that, and I had long guessed it."
Qu Jing poured Qin Huai a glass of water, motioned for him to sit down, and slowly removed the second glove, rolling up her sleeve to reveal her skin.
A hand covered in scars, new wounds overlapping old ones.
"I’ve been since I was very young," Qu Jing said, "I don’t remember the exact day, just that there was a time in elementary school when I didn’t get a perfect score on a math test. I was very angry, very sad, hated myself deeply."
"I don’t know why I was so upset. That night, I didn’t sleep, snuck into the kitchen, and cut a very deep cut on my arm with a knife, and there was blood everywhere."
"When I realized what I had done, I had lost a lot of blood. I couldn’t hide it, so I went to find Dean Qu."
"She took me to a small clinic to get the wound bandaged and bought me some candy to cheer me up, but it was useless. Since then, whenever I didn’t perform well in exams, couldn’t finish my homework, or felt like I couldn’t absorb what I was studying, I would think back to how it felt when the knife cut into my arm."
"It hurt a lot, but the pain woke me up, made me happy, made me calm."
"I started to lose control, couldn’t even restrain myself. Many times, I felt unconscious when holding the knife, and when I realized what I was doing, my hands were already covered in blood."
"At first, Dean Qu took me to the small clinic, but later, she didn’t dare. She bought a medical kit and learned to bandage the wounds herself."
"She doesn’t understand what a mental illness is, thought I was being bullied at school, so she bought me candy, cakes, dolls, and new clothes, knitted many gloves, bought long-sleeved shirts to cover my wounds. She would call and lie to the teachers, telling them I was allergic to the sun and couldn’t attend physical education classes."
"But people still saw. One time, between classes, I didn’t wear my gloves properly and a classmate saw the scars on my hand. He was frightened. The teacher found out and thought I was being abused at the orphanage, calling the police."
"By then, I was in middle school. The police informed Dean Qu that I might have psychological problems, so she took me to see a psychologist."
"Did it help?" Qin Huai asked.
Qu Jing shook her head, "They prescribed lots of medication, and I took them every day, but I still couldn’t control myself."
"I don’t know why; I couldn’t explain it. In middle school, classmates called me a monster, and later, I transferred schools."
Qu Jing looked at the scars on her hand, "I’m glad that you, Qin Huai... and Sister Hong, Mr. Luo care so much about me and are willing to be my friends. During this time, my emotions have been quite stable, and I haven’t self-harmed for a long time."
"I thought I was getting better."
"But a few days ago, I saw an Alzheimer’s patient in the outpatient clinic, whose condition was already severe. Although his granddaughter was already in college, in his memory, she was still a middle school student, and he called his son every afternoon to pick her up from school."
"He wasn’t receiving treatment in our hospital previously. His son felt the patient was too bothersome, so he specially came to my clinic, asking if I could help improve his condition."
"I couldn’t do anything."
"That night after returning home, I was extremely agitated. I stared at the theses and literature on the computer, unable to read a single word. I hated my incompetence, hated my uselessness, hated that although I specialize in this field, I couldn’t cure a single patient, only manage the disease’s progression."
"By the time I started feeling better, my arm was again."
Qu Jing looked at Qin Huai, "Maybe my classmates were right, maybe I am a monster."
Qin Huai could only remain silent, unsure what to say.
What could he say? He knew that Qu Jing’s actions were probably due to her strong obsession.
She no longer remembered the past memories and had forgotten the reason for her actions, but her body and consciousness, or perhaps her instinct as a spirit to save herself, were reminding her in this way to rescue herself.
But as Chen Huihong said, those involved are lost to themselves, and even if he explained, Qu Jing wouldn’t believe it.
Qin Huai picked up the gloves from the table and handed them to Qu Jing.
"Let’s go make buns. The children at the orphanage are probably already working; we can’t slack off either."
Qu Jing forced out a smile, "Thank you."
"Will you tell Sister Hong and Mr. Luo?" Qu Jing asked.
"Do you want me to tell them?" Qin Huai asked in return.
Qu Jing thought for a moment, nodded, "Go ahead, Mr. Luo is so smart, you wouldn’t be able to lie to him anyway."
"Besides, if Mrs. Qu knows that my friends have found out my secret and don’t mind, she would feel a little better."
"She’s felt guilty over the years, believing she delayed my treatment by not taking me to a psychologist immediately, leading to what I am now."
"The person I feel most sorry for is her, and I don’t want to make her more upset."
Qu Jing put on the gloves, pulled down her sleeves, put on her mask, and returned to her previous attire.
"Let’s go, let’s go make buns."