Autumn ran, but she didn’t know where.
Her bare feet pounded against the earth, the cold mud squelching between her toes, the sharp stones biting into her skin. But she didn’t feel it.
She didn’t feel anything except the raw, gaping wound in her chest where her heart had been.
Roanoke Curzon’s words coiled around her lungs like poison, choking her with every breath... ’ filthy blood... daughter of a criminal... ’
And Kieran? He knew... yet he didn’t tell her. He was ashamed of her from the very beginning... and now he was ashamed of her lineage. A bastard born out of violence...a lowly life unworthy of being his companion, his mate... fuck.
Then why the hell did he pretend? Why the hell did he make her feel so special, over and over again.
Her vision blurred, tears spilling hot and unchecked down her cheeks.
She didn’t wipe them away. What was the point? The entire pack had already seen her broken...the entire world laughed at her. All she ever faced was humiliation...in her pack and now at the Blackmoon. What difference would it make if the trees witnessed her now?
Her legs burned, her lungs screamed, but she didn’t stop.
"Run. Run. Run." Her wolf howled in her chest.
If she ran far enough, maybe she could outpace the memories. Maybe she could leave behind the humiliation, the betrayal, the way Kieran’s scent still clung to her skin.
She felt like a fucking whore!!
The world blurred around her...trees, shadows, wind, earth. It could have been day or night, winter or spring...she couldn’t tell.
The only thing real was the storm inside her chest. A wild, wrenching grief that devoured every breath and scraped her soul raw.
"He left us.He let them do that to us." Autumn’s wolf rarely complained, despite all her troubles. And yet she did today... she too was overwhelmed. There was only a limit to everything one could bear... and it seemed like for Autumn, that limit was overstepped.
Another sob tore from her throat as their mate bond tugged at her soul...like an invisible chain, pulling her back toward the pack. Toward him.
Her feet bled from the forest floor, but she didn’t stop. Couldn’t. The further she ran, the more she wanted to disappear. To outrun the shame. The pain. The truth... no matter the pain...she was bleeding all over anyways.
Her body convulsed suddenly. The shift came...not from a place of power...but from despair. Desperation even.
Bones cracked, not with pride but with surrender as she let her wolf take over...She was exhausted...body, mind and soul. So much so that she could no longer move forward.Like literally...she shifted before she could collapse.
Her spine bent forward as her body trembled, limbs shuddering, gasping against the agony of the transition that shouldn’t be there.She had no pain transforming even when it was her first shift...in the forest, all alone...living as a rogue.It was smooth and seamless.
This however was neither smooth,nor was it graceful.
It was grief made flesh. Her scream turned into a snarl as fur replaced skin and her human pain morphed into something feral.
She collapsed on her paws the moment it was over. Her wolf form stood unsteady, her breath wheezing, chest rising like it might implode from the weight of her sorrow.It needed out.
And then came the howl.
A sound so piercing it sent birds scattering from the trees. So ragged, it tore through the canopy like a blade.
It was not just a call...it was a mourning. It was the sound of something sacred breaking. It was the sound of a lost girl who had no father, no mate, and no place where she belonged.
She had lost everything... nothing was her own.
"Why was I not enough?"
The thought burst through her head as her howl died out into silence. Her paws trembled beneath her.
"Was it me?My fault?" She nuzzled her limbs, urging herself for answers. "Was it always me?"
Her breathing hitched. Her vision blurred all over again.
"My whole life was an illusion...my father...my mate. They were never mine, were they?"
She sank to the ground again, this time harder...like gravity itself had grown cruel.
Her ribs ached as a sob wracked through her wolf form. Then, suddenly, her body heaved.
She shifted back mid vomit, choking and coughing, retching into the soil. Her nails dug into the earth, clawing for some anchor to hold her there...to keep her from splitting in two.
Her body betrayed her. Her heart betrayed her. Her mind had long since given up trying to make sense of it all.
She spat bile...and may be a little blood. Her throat burned. Her chest was tight.But she was beyond the stage of being concerned.
"It hurts," Autumn gasped and choked aloud, voice shaking. "It hurts so much..."
The silence that followed was cruel.
"Would it stop if I rejected him?"
Her blood ran cold at the thought. Even thinking it made her heart spasm like it had been struck.
"Would it kill the ache? Would the nausea go away? Would I be able to sleep again without hearing his voice in my head?"
But even imagining the rejection... hurt too much. Never seeing his face ever again...never to be held in his arms.
It was like trying to rip out a splinter that had sunk too deep.
Still, something bubbled underneath her sorrow.
Quiet. Shy. But real.
It wasn’t like fire, not yet. More like a spark in a dry forest.
"He left first! " Autumn could not believe her wolf urged her on. A rejection wreaked havoc on one’s wolf. No wolf would ever advocate a rejection in their sane mind... maybe her wolf too, wasn’t sane anymore.
Her fists clenched. Her nails bit into her palms.
The wind howled softly through the trees, but it was nothing compared to the growl that built in her throat. Still on her knees, still shaking, still sick...Autumn let herself feel it.
"Maybe rejecting him is the only fair thing left."
And this time, the thought didn’t knock the breath from her.
And it started to glow.